Flights, Food & Drink, Hotels, Lounges, Trains, Trip Report

From Pole to Null – Warsaw, Krakow & InterContinentfail Park Lane: Part 5: A Luxury London Night of Horrors

It was all going perfectly when we departed the Hotel Indigo in Krakow’s old town. Everything was as planned when we entered the much newer Galeria Krakowska shopping mall and made our way to Krakow Glowny Station for our train back to Warsaw.

Train: EIP3108 Krakow to Warsaw
Depart: Krakow Glowny 12:54
Arrive: Warszawa Centr 15:21
Seats: Coach 6, Seats 32 & 38 Standard Class
Locomotive: ED250 Pendolino Maximum Speed 250 km/h

Whilst we sat waiting for our train to be ready for boarding we still had no idea of the disappointing end our trip had in store for us .

Even though we’d only be travelling back to Warsaw in standard class it didn’t stop our train from looking any less beautiful, even now that Polish Pendolino is a stunner.

We waited for the doors to open for the first part of our long ride home.
We climbed aboard where we experienced a clean and comfortable ride back to Warsaw.

Our seats were excellent for standard class, not quite shinkansen sleek, but they had more than enough leg room and the fold out tray table had sufficient space to lay out the generously portioned picnic lunch we’d picked up from the market. Like on the outbound route there was not much of a view to report back on. The landscape was mostly green and flat and after a few hours we pulled into the grey of the Warsaw suburbs before heading underground and into the main station.

On arrival in to Warsaw came the first signs that the day might not go to plan. I got us into a bit of a mess thanks to my refusal to take the bus. There is a direct train to the airport from Warsaw Central which is very reasonably priced. However, finding somewhere to buy the tickets was not as reasonable as the amount they were supposed to cost. After stressing at the self-serve machines which only wanted to sell us underground or long distance tickets, I finally found a helpful English speaking person at a ticket office who sold me what we needed, though not before telling us the bus was the better option. In fact almost all sources of information at the time suggested the bus was the better option. Unfortunately for the bus I have a preference for trains, even if that means faffing around in various queues, getting into an argument and then having to make a last minute dash for a train that ended up departing late… Worth it!

Train: RL 93132 Warsaw Central to Warsaw Chopin Airport
Depart: Warszawa Central 15:52
Arrive: Warszawa Lotnisko Chopina 16:14
Seats: Unreserved Standard Class
Locomotive: PESA Elf EN76 Top Speed 190 km/h (120 mph)

There is no dedicated airport express to Chopin Airport, just an infrequent commuter train.

If we’d missed this train it would have been bus or missed flight, or we probably should have just been less tight and taken a cab. Then again the only thing I hate more than taking a bus…

Once aboard we found plenty of luggage room, something that is often unavailable on commuter trains that also serve the airports.

In the end I think the fuss I made about taking this train lasted longer than the journey. Our train glided off in the direction of the airport and after about thirty minutes punctuated by occasional station stops that are now long forgotten we arrived at Warsaw Airport. It had already been a long day and we hadn’t even got on the plane.

Etiuda Executive Lounge (FKA Bolero Lounge)
Access: Pretty Much any Airline in Business Class, Mid Tier Airline Status, Lounge Card or Cash

The main departures area at Warsaw Chopin was a bit of a mess. Thankfully the staff have lots of love for Premium Passengers. After a joyfully unremarkable check in experience we headed to Fast Track Security. Rather than being put in to a dedicated lane with our own scanners or politely funnelled by the tensor barriers to the front of the queue we had a rather more fun experience. Not for the faint of heart our dedicated member of staff briskly pushed away all those who stood before us and the baggage scanning machine. No if, buts, maybes or DYKWIA, required.

It felt like a long walk to the lounge, probably not helped by having to go through passport control as we headed to the non-Schengen side of the terminal. After being frustrated by some non-working lifts we made it downstairs to the lounge. Since this trip was taken in 2023 the lounge has undergone some refurbishment which hopefully means it’s a bit nicer than what you see in my photos below. However, consensus online is that the Fantazia lounge before passport control is much nicer in terms of both comfort and especially in terms of food. Anyway, lets continue with the tale. We entered the lounge thanks to our BA Club Europe Tickets and eventually found a relativity comfy sofa and table combo to make ourselves as home. Once again failing to shake the BBC Documentary crew that appeared to be tailing us since check in.

Food wise there was a Jetsons era serving vessel filled with chard soup and some salad and wraps in the fridges.
Other hot options included quiches, frittata and some other dish with no description.
There was also a reasonable selection of wines, beers and spirits.
On the upside there were great views of the apron that made me feel like I was in a ’90s American Film but instead of a beautiful matte painting it was the real thing just waiting to burst through the window!
There was also an abundant supply of Polish chocolate bars, perfect to mask the taste of the coffee.

Whilst the lounge hardly felt luxurious, it did feel significantly nicer than being sat by the departure gates.

There was just time for a quick trip to the bathroom to relieve myself of an hour and a bits worth of beer (good) and coffee (not so good) before it was time to board our flight home to London.

At this stage things were still looking very good indeed and I was excited about what was to come.

Flight: BA851 Warsaw to London
Class: Club Europe (Business)
Depart: WAW T1 18:20
Arrive: LHR T5 20:00
Aircraft: Airbus A320-200 G-EUVV Delivered 19/04/2008
Seats: 3A and 3C

I don’t remember much about this flight but I do remember I was in a good mood as we boarded our 15 year old Airbus A320 home to London.
When BA do premium short haul well you very quickly lose sense of all that’s around you.

The Captain completes a reassuring announcement, the crew do their safety briefing, half the cabin or more ignore it, more concerned with their phones, books, and little delights.

We taxied out and I did spot a couple of lesser know airlines, European Air Charter from Bulgaria and Sun Express a joint venture between Turkish Airlines and Lufthansa.
We took off and accelerated into the sky, whizzing over the flat green expanse of Poland and back towards London.

The seat belt signs went out and the crew sprung into action, first and most importantly curtaining off the Club Cabin to keep the rest of the passengers out and the rare air of exclusivity in. Whilst it may not be much, feeling like you are in a cabin of a few dozen people creates a feeling of calm that just doesn’t exist back in row 28.

Menus were handed out and it felt like we received one of the better ones.
With this being a longer short haul route we were treated to some mixed nuts with our drinks, in my case a nice enough glass of red, a Fallan Shiraz from South Australia.
For our dinner we both enjoyed The Original Braised Beef Cheeks.

The slaw was a nice bit of cream and acid to get our palates going, the beef was relatively tender and there was a still a smattering of flavour left after their blast in the steam oven! It was just the right amount and type of meal to pass the time and fill our stomachs as we flew over a soft carpet of cloud. I also enjoyed the fig relish served with my cheese, it really hit the spot. Not wanting to test the extent of my lactose intolerance any further I handed my Cherry Trifle over to Anne-So. It was a shame there was no chocolate dessert as the BA DO&CO ones are normally quite delicious!

It was a calm and uneventful flight, most of the world below was covered in a thin layer of cloud.

It was twenty minutes to landing when we broke through the clouds and followed the Thames across a grey West London. I do love passing over Kew Gardens and all the happy memories it holds.

It was a smooth landing into Heathrow where shortly after touch down we taxied past the remnants of Terminal 1 bringing back memories of the old BMI Lounge. We then passed Terminal 3 and its eclectic selection of Cathay and Virgin widebodies. We continued on toward Terminal 5, eventually pulling up at one of the A Gates. This is normally the point in the trip where I would say thank you for reading and prepare myself for the long trek home to Canterbury that could be anything from two to three hours or worse depending on the luck of the baggage, tubes and trains. However, for this trip I had sneaked in a little treat. With a soon to expire and now discontinued IHG Credit Card free night certificate I thought I’d end the trip in style with a night at the InterContinental Park Lane. Our arrival wasn’t so late that we couldn’t have headed straight home, but in case of delay and also to end our trip on a high I thought I’d book as an overnight stay at the premier IHG property in the UK (at least until Six Senses London opens).

The budget luxury travellers that we are, we took the Piccadilly Line from Heathrow to Hyde Park Corner for our night of 5 star luxury. It was here things started to turn for the worse. For starters that Picadilly Line journey from Heathrow to Central London always feels like it takes forever. It’s always tricky to find a spot for luggage, it’s often busy, bumpy and noisy. That evening we definitely crossed off every item on our bingo card. It was close to 10PM by the time we exited the tube and Anne-So was not happy at dragging her case through the underpasses, albeit underpasses we had used on many occasions, but a long, long day of tourism and travel had taken its toll.

Hotel: InterContinental Park Lane
Room: King Classic – Room 857 (1 Category Upgrade)
Status: Diamond Ambassador

Our night of horrors actually started off really well. We got a decent enough welcome on arrival and with it being late in the day, team efficiency wins over team pleasantries. Check in was also a positive experience and we were assigned an upgraded room on the top floor of the hotel with a decent view towards Green Park (though it was too dark to see anything more than the roundabout). From an expectations view things were mixed at this point. For the best part of the entire time leading up to check in the IHG App had overpromised a Mayfair floor room. For those not in the know IC Park Lane is effectively two hotels in one. The beautifully refurbished Mayfair rooms, and the tired, slightly past their best Classic Rooms. At the time of booking the Mayfair room was going for an eye-watering £1058 per night with the non-Mayfair rooms not too far behind. To be fair I knew in advance that it was unlikely such an upgrade would hold. I also knew that the post-Covid travel boom and resultant staff shortages had sent Central London hotel prices go through the roof. Nearly everywhere was charging at least double what any reasonable person would pay. That said in terms of the cash rate this would have been the second most expensive hotel room we’d stayed in. It was almost as much as my favourite Garden Terrace Suite at the Ritz Carlton Kyoto.

Although our classic room was past its best, it was very comfortable and the important bits like the bed, chairs and bathroom were of a high quality.

I especially liked that the Nespresso pods were from famous London coffee chain Kiss the Hippo.

However, it felt like during Covid some of the details from the room had been removed. There were empty shelves where you might expect to see some books, flowers or artistic objects to give the room a proper five star luxury feel.
Despite the age of the room there were at least plenty of plug sockets.

Also with the prices being charged you might also expect a welcome amenity to enjoy, even something small like some chocolates or a 1/2 bottle of wine. We have certainly received these at many other IC hotels over the last few years. Anyway, the main reason I had chosen the hotel other than trying to max out our free night certificate was to switch things up from Kimpton Fitzroy which I have grown to love (and will one day write up), as well as for the location adjacent to Hyde Park and Mayfair, but most importantly I chose it for a really solid five star sleep.

All the drawbacks above were largely known in advance, what wasn’t expected were the series of fun events that happened next. As I put my head down on the soft and comfortable feather filled pillow and tried to get my forty winks all I could feel were vibrations, and not the good kind. Initially we put the unpleasantness down to some road works taking place on the roundabout outside the hotel. It was certainly not the hotel’s fault that someone had the drills out at 11PM, so we tried to make the best of it. Thankfully by midnight the drilling stopped and was replaced with what we later found out was the bathroom fan which somehow sounded like radio static. As someone who has previously had issues with noisy bathroom fans that run forever and ever this did not sound like any I’d heard. The final nail in the coffin was yet another noise, what sounded like a faulty air conditioning unit above the room. Whilst I am fine at blocking out traffic noise and the general hustle and bustle of Central London from a lifetime of city living, the buzzing noise of the bathroom and the air-conditioner made it impossible to sleep. For only the second time in twenty odd years of hotel stays I had to make a complaint and ask to move or have the issues with the fan and air con unit sorted out. (I am not counting the £20 a night room by the Taj Mahal in India where the choice was between death by heat or a fan that sounded like a marching band).

To the credit of the hotel they worked really hard to find us a solution and took our complaint seriously. Within ten minutes someone came up to check both the noises and confirmed that there was a problem with one of the air con units near our room and reported it back to the front desk. Shortly after we got a call back saying they would move us to a Mayfair Room in a different part of the hotel (away from the air con units and roadworks). Although it was inconvenient there wasn’t much else the hotel could do, and also it would be nice to see what the phantom upgrade would have been. Ten minutes later we got a knock or perhaps buzz at the door and the ever friendly but perhaps as it turned out, not overly helpful night porter came to take our bags and show us to our new room.

My first impressions of the new room were wow! It looked and felt modern and luxurious, exactly what you would expect from a hotel charging a large amount of money per night.
The layout was also better with two dedicated side tables and a proper desk.

However, no sooner as we had begun to settle in and prepare for bed the buzzing started again. As we found out by the end of our stay it was just the way the bathrooms in the hotel vent when the room is first used. The noise lasts for twenty minutes or so and then stops. Unfortunately when you are exhausted after a day of travel and this is not explained to you with confidence and clarity you think the hotel has screwed you over with another dodgy room (hence why it was available). We gave it ten minutes before complaining again, being very clear that it we valued quality of sleep over size or location of room. Once again the hotel night manager was super helpful if not a touch frustrated and agreed to find us another room in a different part of the hotel. Ten minutes later, our new hotel friend the wonderful night porter was at the door, just as he was about to put the new room keys in our hand the noise stopped. Stick or twist? If at this point we could have been reassured that the fan noise was normal and that it would not come back on till the bathroom needed to vent again we’d have been happy and stayed in the room and probably managed an extra hour of valuable sleep.

Instead for reasons best unknown, perhaps the attitude that the customer is always right, or a more general lack of confidence in the bathroom fans, the night porter did nothing to convince us to stay in that beautifully appointed Mayfair Room.

We made one final move, to a lower non-Mayfair floor room opposite the Four Seasons Park Lane.

This room was at least free from external noise. However, the bathroom fan issue persisted. Again, if we’d checked in during the day or the fan had been allowed to run ahead of our arrival we’d not have noticed it much, or perhaps we’d just have been slightly annoyed that it took a while to run its cycle. Instead we were just tired and annoyed that a luxury hotel charging silly money per night couldn’t get the most fundamental thing right, a quiet and comfortable place to sleep for the night. Oh well… We stuck it out and eventually the bathroom buzz stopped. We did manage a sold seven hours of sleep in the end. The bed was comfortable, the bedding excellent and once the fan stopped the room was very quiet for a Central London location.

We woke up for breakfast, and got ready.

Whilst the bathroom used good materials it was definitely on the old fashioned side.
A shower over the bath with a curtain is not 2020s luxe by any stretch.

After seeing the Mayfair room and our time in Poland this definitely felt the most old fashioned of all the bathrooms and closer to that of the Indigo rather than of the previous five star places. However, the Byredo Bal d’Afrique toiletries have now become a firm favourite.

Thankfully the IC Park Lane did have a final treat in store for us. And no, there is not even a whiff of sarcasm in that line. We made our way down to breakfast which was complementary for Diamond Members. This meant that not only could we take whatever we wanted from the extensive buffet, but we could also chose a made to order hot item as well. The choice was extensive including one item I have never seen before on a breakfast buffet. One I had to order, and one that was possibly one of the best breakfast dishes I’ve had outside of India. Yes, I am a sucker for Indian breakfasts.

Above is the breakfast menu, at £38 per person that Diamond Breakfast sure is valuable.
For reference the options if you prefer a room service breakfast.
I started with a fruit plate from the buffet, washed down with a decent black americano.
Next up was my Shawarma Lamb Hash. Soft lamb shoulder, crispy potatoes, creamy poached egg and slightly acidic mint hollandaise to cut through.

Simply sublime. Whilst I may not stay at the IC Park Lane again I’d love to go back for breakfast!

Anne-So enjoyed her Eggs Royale, a significant upgrade on Hotel Indigo, Krakow!
I finished off my three courses with a couple of pastries that tasted as good as they looked.

However bad our sleep had been, the breakfast made up for it a little. The copious amounts of coffee took some of the edge off our tiredness.

We decided to make the best of our late check out and enjoyed a walk through Hyde Park and headed towards the Saatchi Gallery.
At the gallery we enjoyed more flowers. The The RHS Botanical Art & Photography Show was a truly beautiful exhibition and we ended up with some post cards that are now happily framed and hanging on our wall.
There were also these wonderful pieces from Andrew Millar with very tempting price tags, alas we had other things we needed more than art.
Our next stop was another London treasure, Curzon Mayfair for Wes Anderson’s Asteroid City.

Not one of our favourite Wes Anderson films, but a fun enough few hours and seriously Curzon Mayfair is probably the most Wes Anderson place to see a Wes Anderson film.

Our final stop of the day was Mercato Metropolitano Mayfair. This is surely the best located and definitely the best looking of all London’s food halls.

Found inside an old church which has been left very much intact it is popular spot at lunch or dinner pretty much any day of the week.

You will certainly need to be patient or lucky if you want to nab a table. It was sweltering hot, though thankfully we managed to find a table upstairs, even better one right next to the Malaysian place we got our food from.

Some tasty satay, washed down with a refreshing Aperol Spritz from the rooftop bar.

And just like that our trip had come to an end. We made the short walk back to the hotel to collect our things, check out and head home. It had been a fun week with a frustrating ending. We were not asked how our stay went and no apology was given as we checked out. We then made our way back via the Piccadilly Line to Kings Cross, followed by the High Speed home to Canterbury.

After the trip I submitted a review online via IHG. The hotel managed to avoid publishing it by offering me 40,000 IHG Points. Good enough for half a night at IC Park Lane under normal conditions. I found this to be fair compensation for the inconvenience we suffered, some of which was outside of the hotel’s control, some down to our late check in and tiredness, and some well within the hotel’s control. Would we return to the IC Park Lane for a London stay? Probably not, we used the 40,000 points from this night towards a stay at Kimpton Fitzroy later in the year.

Final Thoughts

We really loved our time in Poland, but what we loved most was the ability to travel somewhere new. As always it is a privilege to be able to enjoy some premium experiences during our trip. BA Club Europe is a lot of fun if you set your expectations properly, with a decent Heathrow lounge and just enough service for the flight to be over in no time at all. We were fortunate to enjoy some glorious weather during our time in Poland, and as always sunshine makes sightseeing a joy, especially the day we spent at Lazienki Park and Palace on the Isle. Every time I look at the photos from that day they make me smile! This trip was also an excellent reminder that whilst playing the miles and points game can be excellent value it can also hinder optimal scheduling. In an ideal world it would have been nice to have flown in a littler earlier on our first night and flown back from Krakow at the end, getting in at a more sensible time. I would also rather have spent our whole time in Warsaw at the Raffles and added another night in Krakow. The Raffles was a stunning hotel, we had a huge room that was beautifully appointed and yes, the service had a few minor wrinkles but it really felt luxurious. I also wish we’d have had time for a drink at the bar. Location wise it was also perfect for exploring the old city. There were also so many museums we didn’t manage to visit during our time in Warsaw.

Krakow was also amazing, a beautiful walled city buzzing with tourists. St Mary’s Basilica was our absolute highlight. I wish we could have had another proper day to see the castle, visit some synagogues and eat in one of the restaurants in the area. Oh well, maybe next time.

Whilst our stay in London was almost a complete disaster the compensation and delicious breakfast more than made up for it. I still want to find an excuse to have that lamb hash again, truly one of the best breakfast dishes I’ve had anywhere. If I needed a night in London and could get a good deal for a Mayfair room with breakfast I would be more than happy to return to the IC Park Lane.

Resources

From Pole to Null – Warsaw, Krakow & InterContinentfail Park Lane

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